How strange it is

I am guilty of being an actor out in the world. I give off the impression that I GOT THIS 100% of the time-- being a full time mom and having a successful career. For the most part, I'm confident that I do got this most days, however I have my moments where I feel like I am completely failing. Moments where everything feels like it's in complete disarray and feeling like it won't ever get better. Moments where I feel like an imposter -- I'm just pretending, I don't really know what I'm doing. 

 Many of the conversations I'll have with coworkers who are parents, or parents of my kids' friends are of the superficial variety. "How was your weekend? Oh the park for Mother's Day? So fun! Breakfast in bed? Awww.... That Cat & Jack outfit is adorable!! They make the cutest stuff..." But the reality is we all experience similar stresses and fears. We don't talk about the shit-storm of tantrums that happened Mother's Day morning. Why? Because it's negative and no one wants to hear negative things. But sometimes I actually do -- I want to be able to share frustrations with other people going through what I'm going through. I also want to help others provide solutions to those frustrating moments. What if we were better about sharing them with each other instead of covering them up? I sure could use the support. This quote from Don Delilo sums it up nicely:

“How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us? How is it we can survive them, at least for a little while? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise?" - don delilio